why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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