So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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