what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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