jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tonight lets celebrate not being married
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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