does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
