How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
