Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
