I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
