i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize