You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
