I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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