do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
