God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
