Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
tell me about the fingering
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