Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
