Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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