plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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