Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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