remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
