I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
