Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
