I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
