imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need to sanitize my soul.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
