Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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