He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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