Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
