I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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