i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
