Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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