My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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