when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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