tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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