I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
