Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Randomize
