Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
