I don't think brook has ever known best
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
