fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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