dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
