i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
