HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
