Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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