I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
