Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
