I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
