i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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