I got chris browned last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
