He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
