I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
