is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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