I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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