Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
