when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
