I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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