If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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