What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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