I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
