i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
