My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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