I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
