i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
