It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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