As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
