dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
