i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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