Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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