I wanna passion pit in your ass
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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