"it" just moved
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
