Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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