then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
