So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
