Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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