She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
