My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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