seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
