why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
