Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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