Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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