I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
