I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
