Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
