Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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