I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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