Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
