I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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