hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
